so, we'll put it in the 4x4 section as it's quite a serious subject for anyone who ventures into the great unknown on any kind of regular basis.
Now I hear the stories from the guys who say, oh Alex, why do you have mud tyres, you do most of your mileage on road and blah de blah.
and yes, sure, I need mud tyres for maybe 3% of my milage and ACTUALLY need them (where an A/T would not do the job) for well less than 1% of the time.
In fact, truth be known, in the last few hundred thousand km of driving , mud tyres have only been actually needed for a few hundred metres.
but lets be clear here. a set of muds with less than 10mm of tread is slicks. if you want to be a good boy scout... dump your muds when they are worn out - thats the point when you see them on facebook groups going for half the new price .
and - the same story with the winch. Neil is fond of pointing out that the best winch in town is your mate's winch. and he's right. if you are going to be the guy with the winch, make sure you aren't a poseur. it had better be in good working order on the day you actually need the 20kg of dead weight you've been hauling around or you'll look like a right Richard.
My winch has been on the front of 2 jeeps and is either used or tested, rerolled and greased every couple of months. because it's a tool and it had better be working when you need it. plenty of glamour 4x4s at the mall with the neatly rolled cable.... If you are going to rely on your mate's winch make sure your mates' winch cable is a bit frayed and looks like it will take a finger off if you don't respect it. that means it's works.
and thus we come to the bog roll in the glove box.
now, like mud tyres and the winch, there are very very few days in your life where, really and truly, having a roll of toilet paper to hand is going to be a serious issue in your life.
It's not something people really worry about, but actually, having a roll of bog paper in the glove box would have been a commandment if Moses had access to a 4x4 a few thousand years ago.
'thou shalt not leave home without kakpapier'
most of the time it's just a little luxury. you stop in some desolate town and the local garage has an award for 'the worst toilet in the platteland' for 5 years running.
you know you need R2 for the privilege and you know it's that waxy , ring scratching single ply in there, and the roll of twin ply with a picture of a puppy on it in the glove box is heaven sent.
and SWAMBO always appreciates it when there is a roll of luxury under such circumstances.
so, it's important that there is ALWAYS a roll in the glovebox.
ALWAYS. be a good boy scout and make sure there is ALWAYS one.
for that one day, you had a dodgy polony roll on the way to wherever and 20km out of town, you start gritting your teeth because 'the pressure is on' and something isn't lekker down below.
you hit the brakes and reach for the glove box. stop the 4x4 and leap from the door as you tear your rods off, squat by the front wheel and some kind of stinking lava leaves your most fundamental orifice a raw and bleeding mess, and the locals hoot and cheer as they pass you.
as you squat there, sweating at the pain, you just thank whatever deity suits you that you are a good boy scout and that roll of twin ply is like silk on your raw , burning schpincter.
just for that once in a lifetime... it's worth making sure, every morning of your life, that no scum bag has nicked the sacred roll from your glovebox.
but...
sometimes we find ourselves far from the fully equipped zombie (and bad curry) apocalypse equipped vehicle.
sometimes we don't have a vehicle equipped with a winch, full recovery kit, full tool kit, small gas burner with a bialletti, full medical kit and a bog roll in the glovebox a few strides away.
sometimes.....
sometimes....
we have to leave it at the airport.
the airlines don't allow 4 different leathermen onto a plane. or a winch. or recovery kit. not even a spade.
you are allowed a couple of wholly inadequate bags.
so, what's in that 'go bag' ?
In my case, it's a pair of glasses (in case my contacts come out) and a spare pair of lenses.
and a laptop , camera and a bunch of cables. (have you ever added up the value of that bag you carry around with you?
)a few other things.
but.
most importantly.
the packet of tissues and the imodium. you can't carry a whole bog roll and a whole medical kit with you onto a plane. duct tape and even a little tiny knife arouse all kinds of suspicions.
but you can take with you.... one of those little packets of tissues and a blister pack of imodium and a few small items. in case of emergency.
so, I've always had this with me, and sometimes I feel kind of silly because there seems to be a lot of stuff in my bag that no one else considers essential.
However.
Yesterday I had to fly to Swakopmund for a directors recce.
so, we land in Swakop, meet the director and entourage and they deicde they are hungry.
I mean.
WTF we are in Swakopmund and they decide we'll start the afternoon with a sandwich at the airport Mugg and Been - in a land where Oryx roams freely upon the plates of the local restaurants? FFS
so, okay. bad sandwich, bad coffee, lets go look at the dunes.
3 hours later, somewhere near Goanicontas....
GRROINKKK...
mild stomach cramp...
oh come on. really? why did I order the ham.... I bet it's flipping enterprise...
I can do this.
GGGGRRROOOIINNKKKK!!!!
I start to sweat, and jam the aircon on and the French guy in the back seat complains it's too cold.
Jirre.
we stop in the middle of nowhere and they start discussing light.
I hopefully ask the guide (knowing full well the answer) if there is a flipping kakhuis within a decent radius.
it's going to be a boskak.
except that in this case there is no bos, only sand.
so I open the glove box and it's empty. WHAT KIND OF LOCATION MANAGER VENTURES FORTH WITHOUT A BOG ROLL IN THE GLOVEBOX?!?!?!?!
at least in the bos you can wipe your bottom with a carefully selected leaf, but really, a handful of sand?!!?!
so anyway, I grab my bag and root out the packet of 3 ply, super soft, extra gentle nasally sensitive tissues and take a fast trot over a dune.
I barely managed to drop my pants before molten lava poured from my arse .
Sorry Namibian guys. I didn't have time to scratch a hole. be careful on the slip faces for the next few days. it was mostly liquid so it should mostly soak in.
the only way the packet of tissues could have been more heaven sent was if they had been chilled slightly.
Please heed my first words of advice on this new forum guys, BE PREPARED. you may not always be able to have a pocket knife with you, but you can always have some soft, strong and thoroughly absorbent tissue within easy reach.
Nice post Apoc !!!!! 
